This Is Why Your Biz Feels Harder Than It Needs To

April 24, 2024 Freya Padmore

“I don’t know how helpful I’ll be as a practice client because I don’t think I have an inner critic” I said to my fellow classmate during our guided peer practice session.

If I’m being fully transparent, inside I felt a bit smug. I’ve done 30+ years of therapy (my mom put me in therapy at age seven, right after my parents divorced). I was a psych major in school. And I have been OBSESSED with self-help, self-development, inner work, shadow work, energy work (whatever you want to call it and everything in between) for as long as I can remember.

“Try me” I thought (I didn’t say this part out loud, thank goodness :) ).

My classmate smiled and then proceeded with the technique we had been shown in class.

I felt my eyes getting bigger as she finished asking the question that was my cue to start sharing. My hand sprung from its position in my lap and slapped across my mouth.

I shook my head. “I don’t want to tell you” I said.

“Why?” she asked softly?

“It’s horrible” I said and immediately melted into tears.

“It’s so bad. She’s SO mean. I don’t want you to hear that.” (tears continuing to stream down my face)

That was the beginning of the healing that I had actually been looking for in 30-something odd years of doing the work.

The smug part (the one that thought I was totally fine), wasn’t 100% wrong – I have done A LOT of work and have been able to move from a place of barely feeling like my voice was deserving of being heard to running my own biz and loudly sharing my thoughts and views to (almost) anyone who will listen – but I had never (ever) addressed the voices inside my head (quietly but oh so powerfully) tearing me down, each and every day.

How is this relevant to your business?

Why am I sharing this with you and how in the heck does it relate back to your success in YOUR business?

Because everyone (and I do actually mean everyone) has an inner critic // inner judger in some way, shape, or form.

And that inner critic is likely being a big ol’ a-hole inside your head right now (maybe even as you read this post – hell, she could even be saying something like “you should really be doing something ‘more productive’” (than reading this post)).

And THAT is making your biz way harder than it needs to be.

Because in order to truly and fully succeed, in order to hang in for the long haul, in order to see gradual but consistent growth, you need to be able to support yourself, cheer yourself on, see your successes and wins when they come (no matter how big or small) .. and that .. usually doesn’t (or can’t) happen when you’ve got an internal judge, watching everything you do and consistently and constantly telling you you could do it better (or faster or more efficient or more like your nearest “competitor”).

What can we do about our inner critic?

So what do we do about this (potentially silent) inner judge that is wreaking havoc on all of your attempts at healing from the inside and building that confidence muscle STRONG?

We out it.

We shine a big ol’ light on it so that it can’t go undetected any longer.

Why?

Because we cannot work with or change what we do not know or understand.

Remember my eyes-wide-open moment from the beginning? I was TIRELESSLY spinning my wheels trying to “heal”, trying to get to the bottom of MORE family shit, trying to dig up generational and family lineage trauma (after I felt like I had covered all the current stuff left and right and back again). And I was exhausted. Literally spent from all of this effort.

Little did I know (at the time) – the biggest healing hijacker was inside my own damn mind.

And once I outed her – everything shifted.

(Please note : because I always like to be fully transparent in as many ways as I possibly can, this does not mean that everything magically got easier or better, that all my troubles and woes went away, that I ascended some higher spiritual plane, or suddenly felt like I was “enlightened” and didn’t have human problems – but it did mean that my awareness increased even more and that awareness gave me the permission to then use the tools to move from inner bitch to inner bliss.)

OK, so how exactly do you out this voice?

Imagine for a moment a lowest-of-low point in your life. It could be recent or in years past. It could be situational (because of something very specific that happened) or it could be a general feeling of malaise with life, yourself, your biz (or perhaps all three).

Remember that low point as best you can. You can write it down if that feels helpful to flush it out a bit more or access more details about the moment // feelings // experience.

Now, imagine that you had to say something to someone – to make them feel how you felt in that lowest-of-low moment.

What would you say?

(Please note : if it feels wildly uncomfortable for your system to think about having to say what comes to mind to another human being, think about saying those same words (because the words *are* important for this exercise) to an inanimate object (like a cement wall or concrete slab)).

Whatever comes to mind *might be* what a voice is in fact saying to you, inside your own headspace.

How do we know? Because that’s what came through.

(Please note : I purposefully use the language *might be* because it’s wildly impossible and utterly impossible to say for certain that that is ACTUALLY what is happening in your mind without having talked to you and worked with you face-to-face. BUT it does give us (you) a jumping off point.)

so, Now what?

So what do you do with this info now that you’re aware of this inner a-hole that *might* be walking around inside your noggin (taking up unnecessary space)?

Begin to get SUPER curious. Watch for spaces where this voice could show up. Watch for moments when you think you’re stuck or you’re using the language “I’m procrastinating” or “I’m being such a perfectionist” or “I was so lazy today, I didn’t get anything done” and check in to see if that voice (or any flavors of that voice are present).

Make notes (mental or old-school) of these instances and start to get more familiar with when and how this voice shows up because the more familiar you are with it, the better equipped you’ll be to tackle it (whatever that tackle looks like for your specific system).

Questions or think you might want to help IDing this inner judge and outing her once and for all?

I love that for you. And I got you.

This is one of my very favorite things to work on (mostly because of my own “I don’t really have an inner critic” experience from above).